Cars 3: An Inconvenient Revelation
by StupidSequel
Summary: The cars find out they're not allowed to move at all because of global warming, which leads to anger, boredom, and confusion. All that Lightning McQueen can think about is his race.


**Cars 3: An Inconvenient Revelation**

(This story shows us why a world populated only by cars is not all it's cracked up to be.)

It was blazing hot outside. McQueen thought he might melt. He was sweating in a deluge. _It's only spring. How long will this heat last? _It was like the August 2010 heat wave in real life, but slightly more intense, due to metal being a heat conductor. He was at a Global Conference along with every other car. A strong, noble looking blue car walked up the stage and up to the podium. He cleared his throat.

"Attention, everyone," the car called. "I, Mr. Adam Hybrid, am here to talk about a difficult subject with you all and it will affect us all in a big way: Global Warming. According to scientists, years and years of cars walking this earth have caused climate change. Anytime anyone moves from point A to point B, they release greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. What does this mean? It means we have to perpetually stay put because if we move about, it will eventually get hot enough to melt the polar ice caps, flood the earth, and our engines will receive permanent damage." After his speech, everyone screamed.

"Wait, so we have to stay here for the rest of our lives?" Sally was shocked. "I don't care if we do flood the earth, there's no point in delaying the inevitable. And I just lost the friggin game!" Everyone groaned because they lost the game. "Fine. I'll stay here until frogs do fractions," she said flatly.

Three days later they still hadn't moved from their spots. They were getting hungry, bored, and dizzy from the freak heat wave. McQueen thought back to earlier in the year, when it was the hottest first day of spring on record. It reached 112 degrees Fahrenheit (or 44.4 degrees Celsius, for all you metric people). Tomorrow was the Ego Boost race. He did not want to miss that, even if moving at all would contribute to global warming. His friends would also race. He knew they were somewhere in this big mass of cars. How was he supposed to find them and race together if they weren't allowed to move from their spots? He heard something off in the distance. It sounded like roaring water. _Oh Lord! A tsunami is coming! _He thought.

"EVERYONE, A TSUNAMI IS COMING TOWARD US! WE'D BETTER MOVE OUT OF THE WAY SO IT DOESN'T DROWN US," McQueen shouted to everyone. No one appeared to take interest.

"We're not going anywhere, not even to escape a 200 foot tall ocean wave, because the polar ice caps shall not melt." Adam Hybrid said sternly. It became visible in the horizon. The tsunami, I mean. Everyone panicked. Surviving meant outrunning the wave and contributing to global warming. Most of the cars stayed put, bracing for the coming wall of water. Only a few cars got out. I mean relatively few. There was a huge number of cars. McQueen, Sally, Mater, Adam Hybrid, and several others escaped the tsunami (Adam was tugged along by Mater). McQueen had an idea. What if Mater tugged everyone around all the time? But that would still release greenhouse gases. Still, it wouldn't be as much. McQueen hooked himself up to Mater and told Mater about the race and how he really wanted to compete.

"How is everyone supposed to compete if no one is allowed to move except for me?" Mater wondered. McQueen had an idea. He told Mater that he should tie a bunch of cars together and the front car would be hooked up to Mater.

"I would hardly call that a race, youngun," Mater replied.

"I don't care, it's my chance to show these punks that I still got it!" McQueen felt determined and pumped. Pretty soon Mater was the head of a train of 12 cars trailing behind him, with McQueen actually hooked up to him. He took them all to the race track. At last it was time for the race. Mater took off and went around 50 laps because that was the number of laps they needed to do for the race. The cars did not change places because they were hooked together in a straight line behind Mater, where they remained for the whole race. Thus, the "race" was totally one-sided. McQueen came in first place, since he was the first in the line of cars hooked behind Mater. All the cars finished in the order that they were chained behind Mater.

"McQueen wins the 1st place trophy. Since Mater isn't a race-car, his place does not count," the referee declared. All 11 of the other race-cars groaned.

"That's not fair, mate! He only won because he was first in line," the last place car said.

"Yeah, I want an unbiased rematch, one that's actually fair and does not contribute to global warming," the 5th place car ranted.

"Screw global warming, winning is more important to me! If I drown from the melting polar ice caps knowing that I won a race, I'd die happy. We're probably just delaying the inevitable," the runner up said. Mater spoke to them all with a plan.

"Listen up, you guys. How about a more fair rematch. I will tow you guys around individually. You tell me your average speed during a race, and I will try to match that speed while I tow you each individually around the race track, but I will fluctuate speeds so it will be more realistic. I don't care who wins, so I will not subconsciously try to make a particular car win. This time, it's about the fastest time, not about who crosses the finish line first. Sound good?" All the cars nodded.

That did not go so well either. The first 11 tied for first place. How? Because their average speed during a race was much higher than Mater's top speed, plus the fact that he was tugging them along, and he didn't fluctuate speeds because he was going as fast as possible all the time. If he went any slower, the car he was tugging would lose patience. That's what's up.

Finally it was the twelfth car's turn (McQueen). There was a plot twist this time. Halfway through the race, Mater ran out of gas. As a result, McQueen got last place because he was the only one who was slower than the others because of this unforeseen, unfair circumstance.

"It seems that McQueen is letting everyone have their moment," the referee called. McQueen face palmed.

"C'mon guys, let's just race on our own. We don't need Mater. I care more about some race than about the environment," McQueen said angrily.

"Dude! Do you wanna flood the earth and damage your engine beyond repair?" one of the other race cars responded.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take. Gotta live for the moment, like I should do on December 20, 2012, which is tomorrow! If my calculations are correct, the world will end on December 21, 2012." McQueen said defiantly.

The next day they had their little race. Adam Hybrid was towed by Mater's father (Mater was rendered an invalid for the time being because he was still out of gas and no one would be a good Samaritan). The hybrid car was watching intently, with a look of bemusement on his face. His eyes were narrowed.

"STOP THE RACE! YOU ARE VIOLATING THE LAW THAT STATES THAT ONLY TOW TRUCKS ARE ALLOWED TO MOVE, AND EVEN THEN ONLY IN EMERGENCIES!" Adam yelled. The race cars didn't listen. "All righty then. Guess I'll have to put a stop to this myself!" He went down to the race track, put his face up to each cars' gas tank, sipped some gas, and went away. He spit all the gas out inside Mater's gas tank. He repeated this process for every car in the race (He was still being towed by Mater's father). The cars quickly forgot which lap they were on, so they did not keep up with who won or lost. McQueen's huge ego deflated. Their race had made Earth's temperature hot enough to partially melt their tires.

"The hybrid car was right. What have we gotten ourselves into? I HATE BEING A CAR! I WISH I WAS A HUMAN, WHATEVER THOSE ARE," McQueen pouted. At last he had an idea.

McQueen called a conference and told everyone his plan to stop global warming and allow each car to move.

"We all park on the same side of the Earth and point our exhaust pipes up toward the sky and hopefully we'll generate enough propulsion from our behinds to move the Earth away from the Sun." McQueen informed everyone (How did he get to the podium? He was still towed by Mater).

"How do you know this will work?" Sally asked.

"It worked in that one episode of Futurama," McQueen pointed out.

"You can't do it and we can't either because Adam Hybrid sucked out all our fuel, remember?" one of the race cars pointed out. McQueen face palmed.

"Mater, suck out my fuel and spit it out in all the other cars so they can do this," Mater's father ordered. Mater obeyed. He had a disgusted look on his face when he tasted the foul tasting gasoline. He spit it out in all the race cars' gas tanks. The whole car population (except for Mater's dad, who had no gas left), crawled to the Midwestern United States. They pointed their exhaust pipes upward and let out their exhaust as hard as they could. They could feel the Earth moving away from the sun.

"It's working!" Adam Hybrid shouted with glee. The Earth almost bumped into Mars. "Too far! You can quit now!" he snapped. The Earth was somewhere between Mars and Jupiter's orbits. All the oceans became huge masses of ice. "Everyone, since it's now cooler than it's ever been, we must all cause global warming again!" Adam ordered. They all had trouble starting their engines. After a while it became easier. After another while, they went on too much and the Midwestern US became 112 degrees Fahrenheit in the spring.

"We must find a way to deal with global warming..." Adam Hybrid called in yet another Global Conference.


End file.
